1) CONQUER NEGATIVE THINKING -
- Don't try to stop negative thoughts.
- Treat yourself like a friend.
- Challenge your negative thoughts.
First, write down your negative thought, such as "I'm having problems at work and am questioning my abilities."
- Then ask yourself: "What is the evidence for this thought?"
- "Am I basing this on facts? Or feelings?"
- "Could I be misinterpreting the situation?"
- "How might other people view the situation differently?
- "How might I view this situation if it happened to someone else?"
The bottom line: Negative thinking happens to all of us, but if we recognize it and challenge that thinking, we are taking a big step toward a happier life.
2) CONTROLLED BREATHING -
Science is just beginning to provide evidence that the benefits of this ancient practice are real. Studies have found, for example, that breathing practices can help reduce symptoms associated with anxiety, insomnia, post-traumatic stress disorder, depression and attention deficit disorder. For centuries yogis have used breath control, or pranayama, to promote concentration and improve vitality. Buddha advocated breath-meditation as a way to reach enlightenment.
3) REWRITE YOUR STORY -
Writing about oneself and personal experiences — and then rewriting your story — can lead to behavioral changes and improve happiness. (We already know that expressive writing can improve mood disorders and help reduce symptoms among cancer patients, among other health benefits.)
Some research suggests that writing in a personal journal for 15 minutes a day can lead to a boost in overall happiness and well-being, in part because it allows us to express our emotions, be mindful of our circumstances and resolve inner conflicts. Or you can take the next step and focus on one particular challenge you face, and write and rewrite that story.
We all have a personal narrative that shapes our view of the world and ourselves. But sometimes our inner voice doesn't get it right. By writing and then editing our own stories, we can change our perceptions of ourselves and identify obstacles that stand in the way of our personal well-being. The process is similar to Socratic questioning (referenced above). Here's a writing exercise:
- Write a brief story about your struggle. I'm having money problems. I am having a hard time making friends in a new city. I'm never going to find love. I'm fighting with my spouse.
- Now write a new story from the viewpoint of a neutral observer, or with the kind of encouragement you'd give a friend.
- Money is a challenge but you can take steps to get yourself into financial shape.
- Everyone struggles in their first year in a new city. Give it some time. Join some groups.
- Don't focus on finding love. Focus on meeting new people and having fun. The rest will follow.
- Couples argue. Here's what your situation looks like to a neutral observer.
4) GET MOVING -
When people get up and move, even a little, they tend to be happier than when they are still. A study that tracked the movement and moods of cellphone users found that people reported the most happiness if they had been moving in the past 15 minutes than when they had been sitting or lying down. Most of the time it wasn't rigorous activity but just gentle walking that left them in a good mood. Of course, we don't know if moving makes you happy or if happy people just move more, but we do know that more activity goes hand-in-hand with better health and greater happiness.
5) PRACTICE OPTIMISM -
Optimism is part genetic, part learned. Even if you were born into a family of gloomy Guses, you can still find your inner ray of sunshine. Optimism doesn't mean ignoring the reality of a dire situation. After a job loss, for instance, many people may feel defeated and think, "I'll never recover from this." An optimist would acknowledge the challenge in a more hopeful way, saying, "This is going to be difficult, but it's a chance to rethink my life goals and find work that truly makes me happy."
And thinking positive thoughts and surrounding yourself with positive people really does help. Optimism, like pessimism, can be infectious. So make a point to hang out with optimistic people.